I posted this on both dA, Facebook, and my other journal, so I'm sorry for flooding, but I think it's very important that everyone knows.

I also apologize for not using a cut, but I don't feel like enough people follow them.

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Yesterday, I found out my dad has cancer.

I really don't know what to think, but I think it's important everyone knows.

...My mom wanted to keep it from me, but dad called me and Josh into the living room and tearfully recounted his trip to the doctor and burst into tears when he said the words I was expecting by that point - he had cancer.

I've never seen my dad cry before. And he wasn't crying because he was worried about himself - he was worried about us. Josh started tearing up, and I just sat there, kind of stunned, and grew relieved as he told us that it was in its early stages, and very treatable, and he would probably pull through without any problem.

Words like "cancer" don't scare me when there's nothing to be scared of.

So I didn't cry. I didn't worry. I didn't think about how unfair it was or how much it sucked. I nodded along, sipped my Dew, and continued to be stunned.

But what got me was seeing my Dad and brother like that just did it...

I don't want my family to worry, be stressed, or cry. I'm the weak child, and now I have to take care of everyone. It's a lot scarier than cancer, for both me and my dad. And my dad? ...I'm not even worried about the cancer part. He and mom and Josh and everyone... I don't want them to be stressed and in pain. I don't want him to worry about me. I want to take care of them but I have no idea how.

And I want to know how. But when you need things the most, it comes up before you can be prepared. You always hope you won't have to prepare. You hope it won't take cancer to make you want to take care of your family.

I'm fine, and I've already gotten so much sympathy. Maybe I'm strong, and maybe I'm insensitive for not really needing it and treating this like something mundane, but I don't need it - sympathy or anything. My mom, brothers, sister, father, and all of my family do.

I feel bad for so much... Everything from not picking my stuff up to wanting to kill my mom for wanting to keep this from me.

But that doesn't matter. Only path I follow leads straight forward. And me and dad are optimistic about it. He has almost a full chance of recovery. Time will tell for sure, but why spend that time moping around? It's all the more reason to live it up right now, and dad realizes that. I really want to live, myself. So I am.

Because cancer, stress, worry, and all that shit can just eat the rainbows I continue to piss.

...I hope that makes it into an encyclopedia of quotes someday.

...And if ANYONE worries about me, stresses over me, or gives me sympathy that my mom and family deserve far more than me, I reserve the right to kick your ass.

...But I love ya guys.

-Cat

Hey, everyone?

Is it bad when your desire to make out with your Light Yagami wallscroll far exceeds your desire to work on things you NEED to work on?

..And you post faux-intelligent, very stupid rhetorical questions on your eljay instead of doing those things?

Stupid Tokyo Kid. I went to Boston yesterday on 3 hours of sleep after being awake for 30. ...In 8940583045 degree weather. Wearing black jeans. Carrying 20 pounds. For around 4 miles on foot. Smart. THAT part wasn't bad, because pain isn't something that particularly bothers me. ...And I had endless amounts of caffiene. I fucking LOVE Boston. <3 So. Damn. Much. So it was worth it. More than worth it.

The worst part? The very reason I agreed to go with Mom. Tokyo Kid (a big anime store in Cambridge for those who are out of the loop).

...They are evil. Too many pretty things that I cannot hope to afford. I had to drag my mom in and have her help me to decide on ONE thing.

...Went with the wall scroll, obviously.

But I saw a restaurant named "Shangri-La" and could only think of the amazing HyuRoi doujinshi.... And then I saw this kid who looked JUST LIKE Roy Mustang...

...And then came home and slept from like 6 PM to 2 PM today.

I live such a sad existance. It's almost funny.

...And now I'm off again. Hm. Hopefully I'll go do something. ...Or fall asleep.

...I just want to say that I HATE sewing darts.

...Oh, sure, it's easy enough.... EXCEPT WHEN YOUR DINOSAUR TRACK-COVERED SEWING MACHINE ACTS UP AND YOU HAVE TO SEW IN THIS STUPID PRICISELY STRAIGHT LINE WITH NO MARGIN FOR ERROR.

...But darts are very necessary when you are sewing a butt cape. It does wonders to hide certain female ASSets (har har har) that aren't very good for male crossplay.

Tori, you'd better appreciate this. xD; And you'd better make a damn awesome Hughes.

...I'm sorry if I've neglected anyone. >w< I've been EXTREMELY busy. T^T

owo

Saw Dark Knight yesterday. OMG. It was amazing. I went with Cat/Edo, and we had a blast. This also means I got my camera back, and thus have some Hughes/Roy to share.

....Sigh. Matt, you're right. I am a silly yaoi obsessed fangirl.

Anyways, we acted like lesbians and scared the $hit out of everyone, which was fun. Gotta love it when you have the chance to be immature and make an ass of yourself. <3 You get fewer and fewer chances as you get older.... *cry*

Why so serious, world?

...And here I am, conforming and quoting the damn movie. Ahwell. It was awesome, and I MISSED CAT SO DAMN MUCH. <33 She even gave me an FMA pendant. Awwz. *huggles her*

Right now I'm in the process of butt-cape (IT IS A BUTT CAPE, NOT A HALF-SKIRT XD) making and rigging my Roy gloves. Looks like I'm going to be staying with Andre (Raven/Sora/Riku Oblivion) for CTCon. He's an awesome guy. ^_- I'll also be stealing some things to do a Riku cosplay for the hell of it (he'll be Sora; it's EXACTLY what you think). I still have soooo much to do.... If you see me on the interbutts, gimme a kick in the pants, wouldja?

....And here. Because you deserve it. Have some yaoi.  That one is one of my favs from PCM. xD I look stoned.

...I already gave the play-by-play on dA. >>

But, dude. It was AWESOME. <3 Full of gay and WIN. Had the most uke Hughes with me, too. I think PCM marked the most heterosexual experience of my life. o.o

I'll probably link to photos and such uhh.... Once I GET them all. My friend has my camera. >> But there is a LOT of Hughes/Roy. With a male Hughes, too. xD; Geez. We had grope wars and such. We won't get into the "such". Oh, conventions. How you twist the taboo and sexually perverse into the mundane and socially acceptable. Rape is polite, you know.

Hoping I can go to JumpCon... I NEED to see Vic. Seriously. <3

...Well, this was pointless.

...In other news, my friend sevlow wrote an AMAZING Hughes/Ed fanfic for me. :3 I'll see if she'll put it up later.

Okay, so. What happens when you and your Hughes decide to have an in-character text message escapade??

Insanity.

Read it.... Just.... Trust me. I think it's the most epic thing I've ever done. None of the text has been edited or modified. This is GENUINE idiocy, folks. >D

...Just a warning: This conversation is probably rated R. xD; Seriously. Can you imagine the two of us texting back and forth like this? Nothing like stopping in the middle of the Home Depot to whip out your phone and yell at Hughes! I'm Roy, and Tori is Hughes.

Hoozah! I have an excuse to update!

1. Leave me a comment saying anything random- whatever you can think of.
2. I respond by asking you five personal questions so I can get to know you better.
3. You will update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and offer to ask someone else in the post.
5. When others comment asking to be asked, you will ask them five questions.


In other news, I have a Hughes for CTcon! We are going to go around having in-character phone conversations and kick the asses of every Envy there. Fortunately, I've called a couple into action. We're going to have fun with this one. *smirk* Hopefully I won't be sleeping in the hallways for this one. >> ...I'll be sleeping with HUGHES! 8D *shot* Okay, okay, no yaoi. >_<;; ....BUT I CAN MAKE ALL THE YAOI I WANT WITH HER. *cackles evilly*

>>; I should really stop spazzing over that. xD; But I'm so happy I have one. ;v; Hopefully I'll have my stuff for Ed done too. I miss working on the automail. And pretty soon my Riku will be wanting a keyblade. *sigh* Gotta love cosplay. xD;

Title: Somewhere A Clock Is Ticking
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Pairing: HughesxRoy
Rating: PG-13
Words: 348 (SHOOOOORT O_O)
Description: He was still freezing. But he was touching something alive. Holding onto the only thing he could be sure of. The only thing that secured him to this world with an iron grip and the touch of gentle fingertips.
Note: ...This is the closest to a songfic I will ever write. xD;

.....I don't know.

But guess what? I HAVE ADD OMG.

....We think. The psychiatrist (whose name is Dr. Weiner... I'm immature enough to find that HILARIOUS xDDDD) prescribed Conserta (I'm not going to even bother spell-checking that), and I'm not going to describe how well that went. x.x Why can't I be like carbonatedh2o? They put her on SPEED. ...Which, really, doesn't sound all that great. Actually, I'd kind of just like to stay on my current medication, seeing as I are FINE on it. x.x Buttt if I have ADD...

That makes.... *counts off fingers* FOUR disorders. Holy CRAP. xD; Dude. I'm probably close to breaking the world record at this point. 8D So screwed up, yet so completely fine. *buries self in a pile of HyuRoi doujins* I'm so happy. xD;

Ah, man, though. I can't believe PCM is so close. o.o;; And then in a month.... CTCON!!! 8D Annnnd I'll probably be at JumpCon Boston so I can see VIC <33333. BECAUSE I LOVE VIC. SERIOUSLY.

Blegh. I just needed something to do. xD; Going to church soon. <3 It's Father's Day! YAY! <333

Wow. Did I just go a whole entry without updated anything fandom-related?? O_O WOW. xD;

		I will marry A Hughes Cosplayer.
		After a wild honeymoon, We will settle down in Boston, MA in our fabulous Apartment.
		We will have 3 kid(s) together.
		Our family will zoom around in a Rainbow Hummer.
		I will spend my days as a Guitar Hero Master, and live happily ever after.

There is only one word that could do my current state of mind any justice.

BLLLLLEEEEEEEERRRRGH.

Or something to that extent.

Want me to elaborate? ..Of course you do.

First off, I'm sick. Yeah, that's no huge deal. I'm so used to it it doesn't even bug me. ...It does a pretty good job of making my Mom hover over me and Lysol anything I breath on, though.

Second off, automail is a bitch. SERIOUSLY. I think I'm insane. ....Well, okay, I HAVE to be. But I am NEVER sewing plastic again. Ever. PAAAAIIIIIN. X_X

Only took a few hours to get where I am and I HAET the result, so I think I'm going to re-do it with thin plastic. I was using .020" styrene, but it's so tempermental. x.x And really hard to get to stay glued together. No big waste though... I have enough styrene to wallpaper the study. Which I have pretty much moved my life into. ...And my mess. Ahwell. At least I have a lovely little rat to keep my spirits up :3

I also can't sleep. And I'm sick. Not good. Not good at all.

I'm going to go die for a few hours now. I'll probably fall asleep on my work table. x.x

*sigh* Amateur cosplayer and already have a "work table". God this family rules.

Also, anyone watch the House re-run last night? The House-Wilson guitar theft never ceases to amuse me.

Well, with therapy and time to heal, I think I'll be all right. xD


Well, I'm thoroughly depressed. Snuggling with Hughes. ...He keeps licking me. >_O Stupid rat... ....Anyone else wanna snuggle me? xD I need it. lol

Not much to say here, cept that you need to go read gingie_breads  's journal. Read it. Now.

I really feel fortunate to be an amateur cosplayer with that said. If you keep the right mindset, the cosplay community can remain what it was originally intended to be - whatever you want it to be. ;) The idea is to create. Make costumes, not war! Have fun. :3

...But I still giggle to myself everytime I see a bad L. xD

Have had a VERY bad day. Urgh. Part of it was due to insecurity, Fixed. Think I'm going to shower and go to bed with Roy and Ed and hope things get better tomorrow. Showers and sleep solve everything, right? Especially when your bedmates are very understanding plushies. ^_^

...Maybe that'll give me long enough to stop wanting to strangle my dad. That'll take about as long as him not wanting to strangle me. :P

I also got new doujin... Possibly getting another job to pay for MORE doujins. xD; Sigh. It's nice to have a mountain of nice FMA junk and friends to bury yourself in after a rough 'un. xP

My newest obsession? I wanna f-lock for embarassment factors, but...

LUST/HUGHES.

....Don't you hurl things at me! Don't you do a facepalm. Don't even shake your head.

...TL;DR: Keep it to yourself.

I don't know why. And it's a NONCON pairing. I HATE NONCON. carbonatedwater  , you are NOT rubbing this in my face. What's more, it's HETERO NONCON. And it's MANRAPE. I hate pretty much all pairings that are all like "LOL SEX", but the only way this is gonna work, should work, DOES WORK in my mind is NONCON. ...I pretty much h8 secks of any kind; I'm practically asexual, but DERNIT. For some reason, Lust raeping Hughes is HAWT.

...Gotta be the psychological factors. >> Not hawt so much as it is fascinating.

...And maybe a little hawt.

So I go to that stupid "FMA Pairing Generator" and tell myself, "You are GOING to do the first thing that pops up. If it's crack, do it for kicks. Challenge yourself. I dunno. Just DO IT." And you know what I got on my FIRST TRY?

I will write a fanfic or drabble with the pairing
Lust/Hughes
rated
NC-17
and include the following things:
train, handcuffs, binoculars

Don't know what pairing to write?
Then let the Fullmetal Alchemist Pairing Machine decide for you

...Well.... Yeah. I gaped at my computer screen for FIVE MINUTES. I was like "No. Fucking. WAY." But...

I DID promise myself I would write whatever came up.... *COUGH* And even if it IS HETERO PORN... Well... I DID say I would, and it IS what I've been thinking about...

xD! Anyways, I'm making a new account for porn. >_> Not because there is SOOOOOOO much here, but because I feel like I'm dirtying my name by posting anything *dirty* here. And I am asked to draw/write stuff for my friends a lot.... Soooo..... Yeah. I'll also use it to post in the adult-only comms, because I feel weird doing it under this name. >_< HEY! I've had this screename all my e-life! It's a part of my CHILDHOOD! *hugs it* ...Plus I don't want to icky-fy my main account. Dunno what I'm freaking out over, since porn is a very small part of my internets activity ('cept when I make threads on /y/ for the lulz), but it makes ME feel better. I'll post it once I get it running, okay?

JEEZ that must be weird. O_o *shakes head* Anyways, I need some help. Anyone know how to make a sexy banner? I need one. I also need more LJ friends.

...I say that about every entry, don't I? O_o

...I should've known. xD I do love Yoko. >> TYPE 01 Which Gurren Lagann chick is for you?
♥ Yoko - the eternal passionate love You're the type who needs your eye-candy, therefore, you're such a sucker for women with their assets! However, the heart is just as important or more than their looks. You really love a girl with a big heart of gold, and it's a bonus if they could also kickass! It won't take long for her to take genuine interest, concern, and breaking the ice in most situations with you. Infact, if she spots you and grows deep fonds over you, she will not be shy in making the first moves. She will take her time in deciding her love choice, but once it's decided - there's no turning back for her. She will love you with all her heart, and it will be hard for her to move on if she looses you. She has great memories about you, so please do not give any potentials for her to have jealousy or temper over you. Just assure your love and loyalty to her, and she will always easily forgives you. She would also make a brilliant helper, protector, guide person and skillful in her talents. You're the luckiest man to have a perfect girlfriend. Oh, and be sure to be on the look-out for her drooling fanboys! your compatible zodiacs: taurus; cancer; virgo; aries; capricorn other potential types: type 03; type 04; type 02 Take the quiz!

I'm not especially superstitious, though I'm beginning to believe in fate. o.o Or something.

Somehow, all HughesxRoy in my life (hell, HughesxRoy IS my life, who am I kidding? -_-;;) reverts back to jugglesgeese